I guess I haven't had much to say to you as of late. No excuses, I've been passing over our nightly chats. Neglecting our relationship.
Maybe I feel like there's nothing left for me to say and that you know all my secrets now. Even if something new happens, it seems that I react in similar ways:
Substance abuse.
Oversleeping.
Self-deception.
Soft cries for help that I'm afraid someone else will hear.
Maybe that's why I spread myself so thin. So no where will I find myself too concentrated as to plunge in. Where and what does it mean to be in, anyway?
I don't know. I'm sorry I haven't been there. Well, I'm always there, you know that. In the room, but just as a projection. Not reaching out, but flat against the wall and cringing when anything comes too close.
I can still water you. But. I know you deserve more and I'm sorry that I don't know how to provide that.
So.
I'm going to go now.
2.01.2010
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2 comments:
this is beautiful, johnny. may i repost it?
Always.
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