Later on in university it felt like I was an astronaut floating almost away, tethered in but out of control. Soon after I met Laura, and she felt like my lifeline there. I felt like I could connect better with others those days. Since then, I've just lost control. I tried dating briefly about a year ago but I felt so aloof to their problems and often my own. Now again I feel disconnected from reality. Like stepping out in the noon sun and feeling nothing. Plants wither in the heat and sadness surrounds you and I feel that.
Mint, lavender, oregano, and rosemary have thrived. I know, but their energy is unsolved
Invisible forces chase you through parkades. Allies are enemies and then allies again. Hidden experiments and secret conversations are behind every door. Monte Carlo opens a door and every discovery invokes anxiety. Fear and terror. Now I open my eyes and need to lie awake before I pee.
What is the fiction of my dreams, the force of my ramblings and reality of the situation? What connection do I hold with every happy family on the block?
Summer heat in Portland is bad right now. I feel back in Australia. Sad, lost, wide-eyed. Tomorrow I ride back home. I cannot wait for my bed.
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